Hidden in plain sight. Covert & Overt Narcissism.
You believe you are in the company of a narcissist but you can’t quite decipher what it is you are witnessing and therefore have trouble navigating it. Narcissism, Narcissistic traits and Narcissistic Personality Disorder show up differently for each individual. The egregious office clown or the bitter introvert who believes the world is against them are just two sides of the same coin. Some are obvious and others are hidden in plain sight.
Covert and Overt narcissism often referred to as vulnerable and grandiose narcissism are characterized by similar core personality traits and behaviours such as entitlement, an elevated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy towards others and prioritising one’s own needs, however they are manifested differently. Both experience an absence or inaccurate self-appraisal and therefore engage in validation seeking behaviours from others.
Covert narcissism is often challenging to identify as the manifesting behaviours are often subtle and passive, yet despite this the impact of these behaviours are significant. Unlike overt narcissists, covert narcissists are typically individuals who don’t stand out in a crowd, are introverted, avoid social situations, have low self-esteem and poor emotional regulation. They often position themselves as the victim or person who has been deeply wronged by the world in order to seek validation and admiration from others yet fail to take ownership over making changes to their situation. Covert narcissists have a difficultly respecting boundaries, having empathy for others and often prioritise their own needs at the cost of others, often through emotional manipulation. Common behaviours for asserting control are withholding affection, giving the silent treatment, gaslighting, blame shifting and guilt tripping. Ultimately these are individuals who experience a high level of fear of abandonment, insecurity and hypersensitivity. Of course, it is important to recognise that the emotional distress experienced by these individuals may be genuine and therefore this must also be considered.
Overt narcissism on the other hand is often more easily identified. Overt narcissists are often grandiose, egocentric, power hungry, larger than life, charismatic and attention seeking individuals who mask their insecurity through their outward appearance and are often highly successful individuals. Contrary to covert narcissists overt narcissists often seek to be the centre of attention and dominate others, brag about their successes and display high levels of arrogance. They also experience emotional dysregulation which may be expressed as rage, impulsivity, avoidance and dismissiveness. Overt narcissists may engage in putting others down and engaging in constant criticism of others in order to boost their ego.
Regardless of the type of narcissist in your life, it’s important to tread with caution. Relationships with narcissists are one sided and emotionally volatile. They simply do not play by the same rule book as the other empathic souls who walk this earth. While identifying traits may help you to understand and pin-point a person of this character and avoid them where possible, if someone like this is already in your life and causing you distress this may be the right time to reach out for support.
