The Relational Roundabout - Why you keep getting stuck in the same relationships.
Have you ever been driving down a familiar road and reached a familiar busy roundabout only to find yourself zoned out and completely missing your exit, forcing you to go around again? How did that made you feel? Frustrated? Dizzy? Disoriented? Bored? You could have taken another route, but you choose to return to the familiar.
As you’ve probably already guessed this article is not about driving mishaps, but about how in intimate relationships and friendships we may often find that we are going round and round in circles without being able to distinguish why we keep taking that old familiar but unfulfilling route.
All of us are given a roadmap when we are children. Some of these roadmaps are clear, precise and a pleasure to drive. Others are full of unmarked potholes, unclear signs and signals that make it an impossible task to get to your desired destination.
You’re not responsible as a child for the roadmap you were given. You caregivers are the ones responsible for teaching you how to drive the chaotic motorway of relationships and safely navigate the issues that may arise.
If you have had an unqualified set of driving instructors it’s likely you will find yourself stalling, getting lost and ultimately only driving the routes that feel known and familiar to you. Because even when they are not safe and there’s a strong possibility you may blow out a tire, familiarity is often the closest thing to safety that we can feel.
Relational Therapy is your driving lesson to help you to feel more confident and understanding of your vehicle, to anticipate and spot the potholes and poor directions in the road before hitting them and ultimately to enable you to become familiar with other routes than the old fateful relational roundabout which you have been circling your whole life.
It’s time to grab ahold of the steering wheel and try some new ways of getting to your destination. Who know’s, perhaps some new destinations might be welcome too.
